power: the problem and solution to learned helplessness (part 1 of X)
the power struggle is real yall
Soundtrack: Porter Robinson Nurture
Let me tell you my simple plan to very nicely burn down the patriarchy. Believe it or not, you have the power to join me in my quest.
We’re aiming for a nice, tasty smoke, not arson.
sleepless nights
I’ve been thinking about the patriarchy a lot lately[1].
The definition of patriarchy I will be basing this piece on is the following[2]:
control by men of a disproportionately large share of power
When I use capital P ‘Patriarchy’, I’m talking about the disproportionate power granted to wealthy white western men. I’m going to talk about how this is toxic to everyone, including wealthy white western men.
Note: the Patriarchy frequently masquerades as other semi-legitimate systems of power, such as religion/meritocracy/capitalism. This disguise serves to villainize those who seek to destroy it. We need to get to the root of the problem, not dodge questions about other systems of power. Focus on the goal: fuck the patriarchy, other unjust systems of power will follow.
the problem with power
The problem with some systems of power is they are inflexible, by definition. I’m going to use power-ism/power-phobia instead of power-archy to distinguish inflexible vs flexible power systems.
examples of inflexible power systems
Sexism (aka the Patriarchy): the sex you are born with gives you power
Racism: the race you are born with gives you power
Homophobia: the sexual preference you are born with gives you power
Heightism: the height you’re born with gives you power
The opposite is true as well: If you’re female/BIPOC/queer/short you are disgusting, should be ashamed, and have no power.
examples of flexible power systems
Meritocracy: how good you are at something determines how much power you have in that particular area
→ in general, I believe it’s possible to improve in most areas when you practice deliberately
Religion: attainment of high spiritual connection with ‘god’ determines how much power you have
→ I don’t think this is INHERENTLY bad, but many people within religion abuse their power. There’s also many religions which have problematic core values (see: judeo christian values).
Physical strength: how much muscle you have determines your power
→ this is flexible to a certain extent, obviously some people are born with more physical strength than others.
In general, all power, derived from legitimate or illegitimate sources, can be abused. No exception.
In general, all systems of power have some inherent bias. Very few exceptions.
We must always be vigilant of power, regardless of legitimacy, because we must be able to hold those in power accountable for the impacts of their actions. Regardless of the intention.
brief history of power
It’s important to call out power systems generally exist because of historical reasons.
These systems might have been reasonable at one point[3] for some odd reason or another, but just like personal trauma, these outdated systems no longer serve us.
Men hold power historically because of muscle. Now we have machines.
White people historically had better technology (in recent history). Everyone has technology now.
Universities historically have been the center of knowledge. Now we have the internet[4].
Religion has historically had power because it allowed people to move beyond their tribe mentality (that goes up to 200 people) to strive together for a bigger goal, i.e. the crusades. Now we have nation states/corporations/other forms of organizing human capital.
Being able to scale power has historically been difficult, so technology has mostly served to centralize power instead of decentralizing it. Centralized power is good for some things, bad for others. It is, like everything else, a tool that can be used and abused. See: China’s response to the pandemic (use) vs the slaughter of innocent Uighurs (abuse).
why are inflexible systems of power bad
Look up the experiment on learned helplessness. The result was that even after the dog was unchained, it did not attempt to escape the administered shocks.
The dog learned that it was powerless, so it stopped trying.
When you teach people that they cannot affect change, they also stop trying. Yes this applies to wealthy white western men (and all sub-combinations of such).
The default thought becomes: “I must operate within the system, I can’t do anything to change it. How do I best protect myself against those with power?” instead of “This system sucks, how can I move us closer to a better system?”
Lots of smart people do this and it confounds me. Like, yeah, maybe we’re at a local optima, but the whole system is borked, so what’s the point?
why this is suboptimal
Wasting human capital. When people feel like they cannot affect change, they stop trying altogether, thereby operating at a suboptimal capacity.
Antagonizes everyone. People in power try to cling to power, because they have been taught that losing power means oppression. They do irrational things like kill themselves when they are losing power, because they believe once they have lost power they will become the abused.
Suboptimal allocation of resources. In all situations, allocation of resources should be based on who is best able to use it.
Best is defined by whoever has the power to give the resource (time, attention, physical/mental labor). Clinging to outdated systems of power prevents us from growing (as species) as quickly as we could be.
what can I do?
help yourself first
If you suspect you have learned helplessness, here are some resources to help yourself:
Overcoming Learned Helplessness: I literally just googled this and pulled up the first reasonable looking article.
Get therapy if you can afford it
Question all the narratives you’ve been consuming. Western media is biased, Eastern Media is biased, do your research and take charge of your own education.
Own your power. Sometimes people feel uncomfortable owning their power, but if you do not, someone else will gladly take it off your hands. And they might not be as generous as you are.
Be generous with yourself, you’ve had years and years of conditioning. It will probably take years to decondition.
speak up
Once you understand and are comfortable with your power, the first thing you can do is speak up. Call out bullshit when you see it, be unforgiving until whoever is being a shithead apologizes.
I’ve been sexually assaulted many times. Most women have been. But my guy friends are STILL shocked when I say tell them his. Me? Someone as loud and outspoken as ME can get sexually assaulted?
I wasn’t always as outspoken. It takes effort and practice, but is 100000% worth it.
cut toxic people out of your lives
Some people are generous enough to try to educate toxic people. I don’t feel up to it most of the time.
I usually give people 3 chances. If they don’t fix things, if they try to hide bad behaviour from me, they get cut from my life. I do thankfully have many friends who are socially aware and generally competent, so I have the buffer to do that.
Tell them why you can no longer be friends with them.
I’ve only done this to a couple of people in my life, usually for treating me or people I know like shit (this includes exes).
I can tell you that after having done this my life drastically improved, so win-win.
get into fights
So, obviously this depends on your level of comfort with safety.
But when I have felt safe, I have generally picked fights and initiated screaming matches. Some people only understand things when you hit them. Sadly.
I aim for arms and legs and I like to bite motherfuckers when it’s sanitary to do so. No seriously, it really shocks people. The human jaw is one of the strongest parts in your body. Use it wisely.
organize politically
Some people really don’t understand why progressive policies is not politics, it is literally life and death.
Do you think women hate trump because he’s sexist? Yes. But I hate him MORE because he promotes a culture of acceptance for toxic behaviour that has been proven to cause harm: see capital riots.
I really don’t care if you have some logical reason for voting for trump. He and his cronies have literally caused the rise in asian hate crimes (calling it the china virus).
This is a THREAT TO MY SAFETY. I have PERSONALLY been called an ‘Asian Bitch’ on the streets and spat on, I have PERSONALLY experienced an increase in asian hate crime. Nothing you can say will make me vote for trump because his spouting his mouth literally makes me more likely to be FUCKING MURDERED. I do not want to be murdered, thanks.
spend your money wisely
money talks. period.
Buy from responsible brands. Boycott irresponsible brands. Donate to responsible politicians. Donate to irresponsible politician’s opponents.
Tell them why you’re spending your money the way you are.
I’ve written an entire blog post on this.
spend your time/ give your labour wisely
There is a reason Cigarette Companies/Juul has to pay more. Because their products literally cause cancer, and people hate cancer. It kills us.
If you can, talk to your employer about why you feel their actions are bad.
If you can, quit if they don’t change.
Your labour sends a signal to companies on what is acceptable behaviour. Often times, walking out can cause a company to change its policy. See google employee walkout.
educate yourself, change yourself
Read on responsible ways to operate in the world. There are ways to approach power in a responsible manner. Think about them. Figure out how you personally can affect the most change.
After I told my boyfriend about my sexual assault, he thought about it and decided he would try to avoid joking about sex going forward. He is hilarious and he has many many other sources to pull from. He suggested this because he wanted to do what he could.
For what it’s worth, I still make a lotta dick jokes, I still dicks are gross and hilarious.
conclusion
I hope it’s clear to you by now why flexible systems of power are better than inflexible ones, and how you can choose to empower yourself and those around you by choosing to participate in flexible systems of power.
Power dynamics will always exist, and they should. Some people are better at some things than others. This ‘better’ can change, and we should recognize this. We cannot get rid of power, nor should we try to. It’s useful when used correctly, just like all tools.
What’s more important is to recognize and call out sources of power, and call for change when these systems no longer serve us.
It’s never bourgeoises vs proletariat, white vs BIPOC, men vs women. It’s that this artificial divide distracts 99% of the population while the actual fat cats sit in their thrones and hog all the resources without actually earning the right to do so.
We are also all responsible for taking down the systems of power that trap and enforces this notion that to be ‘powerful’ and ‘manly’ we must take power away from others. This is untrue.
True power comes from the ability to GIVE power to those who don’t have it, either by lending our voice to the voiceless, or feeding the starving, or housing the homeless.
Those who gain power by taking away power from others are really telling us that they fear what will happen should they lose power. Usually because they’ve been shitty, and they believe that whoever is in power will oppress those without, so they must not give away power or else they will be oppressed.
The most powerful people in the world have power not because they took it, but because those around them GAVE them the power (because of faith in their ability to put the power to good use).
Power should always be removable. It’s what keeps the powerful accountable.
Belief that you cannot change the systems of power serves only to entrench those in power.
YOU have the power to call this out. Speak your stories. Share times when these inflexible systems of power have been unfair to you.
You are NOT powerless. You are NOT the dog chained to the shock grid. You can speak up and people will listen! At the very least, I will listen.
As always, you are not obligated to speak up[4], there are some very real fears to speaking up depending on where you live. But if you have the privilege of safety, stable employment, and some financial cushion, I ask that you think hard about why you feel uncomfortable speaking up.
If it’s because you value your personal gain over society’s loss, all the more power to you. This is a valid choice.
But, I will leave you with this poem by German Lutheran pastor Martin Niemöller about the consequences of keeping silent:
First they came for the Communists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Communist
Then they came for the Socialists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Socialist
Then they came for the trade unionists
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for the Jews
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Jew
Then they came for me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me
Down with the Patriarchy! May it burn a thousand tiny fires and suffer a thousand tiny cuts.
May those thousand, million, billion individual actions cause the Patriarchy to die a swift, painful death.
Thanks Nickole Li for proofreading and giving me additional thoughts. Thanks to Jamie Wong for keeping me grounded and for basically restructuring this entire post.
Thanks Freddy Chen for always being a good sounding board and being so so supportive. Thanks Aaron Morais for listening to my rambles while I formulated these thoughts. Thanks Aneesh Joshi for recommendations.
Thanks to that random tiktok-er for sparking this post. Thanks patriarchy for teaching me about power (and lack thereof) early on in life???
Related content:
Caste by Isabel Wilkerson[6]
Power Moves by Adam Grant
48 Laws of Power
The Prince
Influence: The psychology of persuasion
The Power: Naomi Alderman
The Dictator’s Handbook
The Art of Seduction
The Art of War
[1] I’m taking a leave of absence from work to sort out some of these thoughts.
[2] Merriam-Webster definition
[3] Ben Shapiro is especially guilty of this, which is why I disregard everything the man says. It’s literally a waste of time to listen to him spout nonsense under the guise of ‘logic’.
Also, Jordan Peterson, who is also annoying guilty even though I agree with some of the stuff he says.
[4] I really hate formal education and in general don’t believe in its value, other than bringing smart, driven people together in a structured format. University honestly don’t scale really well, and as we’ve seen from the recent pandemic, there’s really limited upside to in person information dissemination. Zoom will do. It’s shitty and you feel disconnected as fuck, but it does allow those with knowledge to impart that knowledge to people without (see: what indian professors have been doing on youtube for… literally since the beginning of Youtube).
[5] Honestly in general I believe nobody’s obligated to do anything, but you will face the consequences of whatever your choice is.
[6] I didn’t read this, but the person who recommended it said:
I was disappointed by her research and lack of data in the indian caste system. She failed to site recent examples and changes that have been made. However yes it's still bad.
I think it pales in comparison to the american caste system but are both terrible
And many such systems exist in the middle east, etc.
Some statements were generalizations such as hinduism is caste system... felt lazy
But the primary focus was on the US which I learned a lot from
definitions
All definitions are pulled from Merriam-Webster, with my own notes attached via →
power: possession of control, authority, or influence over others
→ with or without the consent of the other party
religion: a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices
→ in general religion is a-ok with me, as long as it doesn’t try to infringe on my person/other people who do not ascribe to the particular religion in question
feminism: belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests
→ in general, I use feminism as a broader definition of preference of flexible systems of power rather than inflexible ones. More on this later.